Jul 13, 2014

lovely

Me: "Did you read my blog?"

BF: "No."

(Reads blog, emotionless)

Me: "Did you think it was funny?"

BF: "No."

Me: "It was funny though right?"

BF: "It was funny until I realized I wasn't in it."

Me: "Ok, but it was still funny."

BF: "Dude stop."

Me: "You're so unsupportive."

BF: "Ok it had some funny parts."

Jul 11, 2014

undone

Complaining about poker worked last week, it all turned around quite nicely. I  played a handful of mostly winning sessions and am now taking the weekend off for other stuff.  Like tomorrow I go to a wedding.  How exciting, a wedding! (Is she being serious or sarcastic? If only there were emoticons for these instances.) I managed to get a wedding/funeral dress on sale.  It all depends on the shoes what kind of dress it will be.  Tomorrow tan shoes.  Funeral dress with tan shoes, sounds nice right?

Has anyone seen the show Poker Night in America on CBS Sports in the last couple of weekends? It's a new poker show with a cash game format. Well guess who got an invite! No seriously, guess.

Ok, ok...

No, no...Guess again..

Ok...

It was me!  I got an invite! They must like me, they must really, really like me. Or they needed to fill a seat and I was a right place, right time kinda girl. Whatever, I'm in! And I'm super stoked about it. (excited emoticon)

From watching the trailer and the shows it seems that they really want the focus on the players rather than just the game itself so the stakes are only set at 25/50 rather than nosebleeds. It would also seem that they encourage banter. Within the tight constraints of this conservative, "tell the truth or don't tell anything" kind of blog, I'm obligated to confess that well, the thing is, it's just that, I mean, what I'm trying to say is... I'm bad at bantering. I am.  I might be the worst banter ever. Banterer? Or banter? Or banter person? See, even the word trips me up. I'm just not good at it, or small talk or talking to waiters or people in front of me that should notice I need to get past them and should move on their own accord.

Scene: airport walkway

Our Hero exits the elevator and proceeds to walk to her left onto the walkway only to be cornered in by Villain 1.
Villain 1 does not move.
Hero, assuming she'll be noticed soon, does not move.
Villain 1, does not move.
Hero does not move.

The sun is now setting, enter Villain 2.

From behind Hero, Villain 2 says, "Excuse me."
This prompts Villain 1 to make room for Hero and Villain 2 to get on walkway.

Cut scene

Ok back to the irregularly scheduled topic at hand. Banter. I'm just not good at talking to people unless I've known them for 20 years or we've crammed 20 years into a committed heterosexual partnership in only a couple of years or they are the internet.  I'm going to have to yuk it up for the
cameras and I have sincere anxiety about this mission.  Like it can't be forced otherwise I'll come off as a tool.  And it has to be sincere otherwise I'll come off like a phony pants. And I somehow have to not be so worried about it that I torch my real money that I'll be playing with. I also don't photograph well unless she takes my pictures or I take 30 of them to choose from with my iPhone, put on a filter and then act like I didn't do either of those things. So that just adds to my anxiety.

Let's wrap this puppy up.
- The problem: Bad at banter The solution: Unknown
- The problem: Doesn't photograph well The solution: Lots of make-up
- The problem: Bad at poker The Solution: Daily Mantras "I am a champion poker player." "People fear me." "I fold off suit broadway cards out of position to 3 bets."

Overall I'm still really excited to go to a new casino and play in a televised cash game.  Thanks PNIA for the invite :)





Jul 4, 2014

submit

It was 110 degrees out so to cool down I went to a Hot Yoga class where the room was only 105 degrees.  At check-in I wasn't sure if I wanted to just pay for the one class or purchase a month's worth.  I told the owner my predicament and asked if I could take the class first, see how I felt in the heat and decide after.  He said "no." Ok fine, here's your ten bucks.

I didn't bring my gym bag in with me because it was just too hot to be lugging anything around.  My lock was in my bag and since I didn't have it with me I brought my sunglasses and phone into the yoga room.  I was about 5 minutes early and I was texting.  I was texting in yoga!  The instructor came over and gave me a stern, "No phones in class."  Ok, she was right, I shouldn't be texting in the sanctuary.  I put it down. "No phones in class," she said again.  Oh she meant get my fucking phone out of the room.  Fine, I put my phone between my two sandals outside the room and prayed that the yogis were too kind to steal it.

The instructor was from Long Island and every time she wanted us to "surrender" to something she'd say "surrenda."  Just like that, try it "surrendaaa." 

"Surrendaaa to this pose."  I couldn't concentrate.  I resisted the urge to leave early, fought through her accent and was pleased to see my phone was still there when I left the room.  I did not buy the month package.  Instead I went to normal temperature Pilates the next day and they got me for 3 months.  So Pilates it is.

I hate poker.

I have a new breakfast recipe.  4 bananas, water and a scoop of vanilla Sun Warrior Protein.  It tastes delicious. 

Oh yea, poker.  It just sucks right now.  I can't beat a 5 year old so I don't feel like playing and I have no plan.  Like usually I'll make a plan to take the week off and start back on the weekend or something like that but right now my only plan is to stock up on bananas and go to Pilates.  I surrenda.


Jun 17, 2014

sitting

Finally getting in a lot of hours.  These supposed "pros" from small town wherever the fuck they're from still keep trying to pull this no show garbage with their hands.  They say "You're good" and "Jack high."  I show my cards always, proudly.  Don't be a little girl about it.  Some kid was all chatty with me last night until I made him show then not another peep.  Big baby.  He was talking about maybe moving to Vegas.  He won't make it, he's too sensitive.  And he's scared to 3 barrel.  Get it in buddy, get it in.

I'm just an angry little bugga this month.  Everything is tilting me.  Rather, everybody.  I keep quiet though, like a little mouse, quiet like that.  Probably not healthy to rage inside my machine with an occasional twitter rant.  I need another outlet.  Maybe I'll watercolor.

Jun 15, 2014

opinion

I was wearing my Rolex, driving around in my Mercedes, Gucci bag, Prada shoes and I couldn't help but think, "Wow, what a douche bag I am."

I think I'm overcompensating.  At least that's my analysis.  I would see a therapist for a proffesional opinion but I can't afford one.

I've been playing poker not as much as I should.  Am going to start putting in a lot of hours this week through the end of the series.  I've been winning a bit.  Nothing to write home about. I'll probably use the money to buy new rims.



Jun 6, 2014

krispy

Dumm dum dumm.

I've made it through 4 days of a juice fast. Not sure when I'll quit. I'm a little fat face so I might go a while. I also might eat a donut tomorrow. Who knows? I'm cray cray like that.

I'm not playing any WSOP events this year. Why you and every other person I play poker with asks? Because the Rio won't let me. Why? Because they are big babies over there. Fatter faces than mine. Maybe I'll play a DeepStack. Again who knows? I'm cray cray like that.

I played a hand yesterday not awesome. I shoved a flop w 5% to win and got there. Some asshole from England told me I must know how terrible I am. I've never once in a decade of playing berated a player. Not once. I hope that kid loses all of his money and has to give bj's for a plane ticket back home. Then I hope he gets a broken middle seat that won't recline.

I also hope I don't have to hear another, "my cousin's friend's roommate got 162nd in blah blah tournament."  I don't give a shit.

I need a juice. Donut flavored.






Jun 1, 2014

cookie cutting

I almost went a week straight of posting. Pretty good effort I'd say. I went a week straight of eating ice cream. Slightly more fulfilling. Slightly. It's got to stop, it must. I eat so much and so badly. Tomorrow is Juice Fast day 1. I don't actually think it's the best idea known to man to only drink juice but I need a jump start. I'll lose water weight and tell myself it's fat and then I'll eat better in an effort to keep it up. I'm the smartest.

I made a new friend. He works at the Cosmo. Sup?

I haven't played any tournaments and I probably won't thus the lack of tournament updates on social media. Instead I just complain about cash games. I get sad when nobody favorites my well thought out tweets. What? I know you do too, I'm just not insecure enough to say it. Or am I insecure because I get sad? I'm just balanced.

Late.


May 30, 2014

mountains

I passed out before I could post something last night. I'm ordering tacos to go now. There's a woman w a balloon in a bucket sitting on the bench next to where I'm standing. You'd think she'd move her bucket so I could sit but this isn't the South, this is Vegas and people are shitty.

"The waitress' perfume was all over my bottled waters today." That's as far as I got in writing something last night. Saved that little gem for today.

People love to ask me where I'm from. Who the fuck cares?

I'm grumpy. I'm stuck. I'm hungry.

Regular posting to resume tonight. Thanks for listening to me complain.

(The woman just moved her bucket, I might sit.)





May 29, 2014

meager. eager.

It's hard out here for a pimp.

I took today off from poker.  Instead I watched copious amounts of the show Catfish and the movie Hustle & Flow.  That Catfish really gets me.  People man, everybody just wants to be loved.

I was industrious in that I was on a 2 hour conference call regarding an investment I made a few years ago.  Do I sound professional and shit?  It was just a call to go over how much I could expect to write off on my taxes.  Swampland in Florida, email me if you want in.

Dum. Dumm. Dum.

I don't have a lot.

I have a hard time eating chicken shaped like chicken.



May 28, 2014

caps

Here's the deal, if it's your turn to turn over your cards at the end of a hand then TURN THEM THE FUCK OVER. Don't announce "queen high" or whatever bullshit you have. JUST SHOW IT. Unless you're a monster fish, I'm forcing you to turn your cards over or muck.

Ok.

Today I woke up at noon. The maid came over and I went to the pool and drank PiƱa Coladas. My life is a joke. I have nothing to complain about except for PEOPLE NOT TURNING THEIR HANDS OVER.

After the pool I went to play poker. I'm still here. And so are the Euros! Young guys with capris and funny hair. I like playing with the Euros.

I'm card dead. There's a guy next to me talking to himself. He might be praying.

.... Fast forward 2 hours

I'm stuck. I'm playing a guy heads up. He's drunk. Posting from the table again.







May 26, 2014

hunting

Went to the theatre today to see Once the musical. I was torturously bored so we left at intermission. I'm a big fan of not being uncomfortable, my life revolves around it. If I don't like being somewhere I'll just leave and if I don't like something I won't do it, with the exception of community service.

Speaking of volunteering, I used to help out at Goodwill. The deal is if you work there and want to buy something you can put it to the side until after your shift. The amount of junk in the store is astounding but once in a while a Louis Vuitton purse or something would show up. There was a nice girl that worked there who'd always show me something like shoes or a dress and say "Oh emm gee, how cute is this?" It was never cute. She picked out the worst stuff. But she was nice and I'm politically correct in real life so I'd always say "Ooooh yea that's cute, you should get it."

There was another woman working there who was missing her front teeth. She was kind of cold but nice when you got to know her and she told me that she had one foot out the door. She had her resume working for her. But she had no teeth and that was probably hurting her chances of getting a new job. I wanted to tell her I thought teeth would be helpful but I didn't. Hopefully she managed to find something, Goodwill kind of sucked.

I'm posting again at the poker table. There's a little, 80 year old man playing who's named after one of the 7 Dwarfs. Every night he tells the same joke, "My first two wives were named Ali and Mony."







May 25, 2014

sensical

I got some other "you should post every day" comments on Facebook. I swear I did.

I've been playing all day and don't see myself leaving soon so I'm posting this at the poker table. I'm exhausted.

So...Today while picking up food, a nice man in a Public Enemy t-shirt with a self help book under his arm asked me on a coffee date. He was with what I assumed was his Mother. I politely declined and then bragged to all the people I talk to on the daily, 2 people, that someone hit on me. And now I'm telling you. What's up?

WebMD was wrong. I do not have the shingles. I do however have a sun burn. I politely declined sunscreen on vacation.

This post sucks. The pressure is too great.

These people next to me have no joke been talking about Bitcoin for 3 hours, non-stop, no stopping them, not even a breath in between sentences. Some guy just came over from another table, placed two pennies on my chips and swore to me that they were extremely lucky. Why? I don't know. Another guy is threatening to kill his driver. I really want to go home but my game is really good.




















May 24, 2014

committed

I just got back from vacation.  I rented two movies for the plane ride.  "Being Ginger" and "Free To Play."  I watched the first 15 minutes of each of them and they both sucked, "Being Ginger" more so. I really wanted to watch "Hiding Out" with Jon Cryer but I ran out of wi-fi to download it by the time I remembered it was on my to-do list.

My house is a mess.

I'm sitting atop a pile of supposed important stuff to do and I'm worried about a Jon Cryer movie.

A dealer tried to give me props recently.  She said something about me not wearing a lot of make up and how it took courage to leave the house like that.

....

Tick. Tock.

...ya don't stop...
la la laaa la la laaaa

I just got back from vacation and felt like I should write something but it's not turning out that well.  So far I've told you about 2 bad movies, turned you onto a great 80s flick and tried to infect you with Color Me Badd.

Eh, when I spell it out like that it doesn't seem so bad.

After I got home, I went to play poker. I raised all in on QJ62 with KK to get tank called by JJ.  TANK CALLED.  It was a 200 big blind pot as in get your 100 big blinds in and STFU as in do not ask me if I have QQ after you take 26 minutes to decide to call.

So that happened.

I might make a post everyday this week.  It might be a good way to force creativity.  I won't commit to it though.  Ok ok, if I get 2 comments being all like "Yea you should post everyday," I'll do it but if I get 2 comments being all like "You suck and so does your blog," well then I'll also do it.  But if nobody comments then forget it.  Then we all lose don't we?

Tick. Tock.







































May 17, 2014

am bein'

I'm right-handed.  I've been trying to brush my teeth with my left hand to help with impulse control.  I read on Twitter that it works (it's not working.)  It's also really hard to do.



I constructed a few creative tweets myself this week.

Sometimes you want to go to Nobu and your boyfriend tells you "no" because he doesn't want to spend 23k on dinner.  To deal with the obvious rage that accompanies these "sometimes," you might take a plethora of pharmaceuticals mixed with cheap Merlot.  Following these events however tragedy may occur.  You might smash a guitar on the back porch and make erratic tweets and Facebook posts speaking unkindly of the person who put the kibosh on Nobu. Reasonable.

I sincerely, mostly, don't have a clue what I tweeted this week. I deleted them blindly.  But I've gotten some really thoughtful well wishes regarding my mental health in the aftermath.  Thanks to all the people for their support and sorry to the kibosh-ing boyfriend who thought it was no big deal for me to smash a guitar.  I am loved.

Lastly, I have a rash on my neck, I think it might be shingles and WebMD agrees.  I wasn't going to tell you that because it is so personal but after admitting I had a psychotic break I figured what the hell? I'm also OCD about where I put the chips on my cards to protect them when I'm in a hand.  I routinely don't sleep with a pillow and Q8 is my least favorite hand, it makes me want to smash something (don't think I won't do it.)

Peace.





May 8, 2014

what they say

I have health insurance.  I pay 6k a month for it, or maybe I pay $250.  Whatever, it feels like 6k.  My insurance covers nothing, everything costs a fortune.  I really need to sort through this mess but it's tough to do when I wake up at 3 everyday. I  only have a few hours left in real world time and it takes me that long to get going.

And that was my day today, wake up at 3 and fret about insurance.  Hit up Starbucks, buy a Mother's Day card, come home and wash towels.

I'm really reaching for something to write.  

Poker.  Hmm.  I was in a pot and on the river my opponent says "I missed, 6 high."  I turned over top pair and he was still holding onto his cards.  He then threw them towards the muck face up and one card landed under the board cards and one card was visible, a 6.  The dealer mucked his cards and pushed me the pot.  Simultaneously the guy says, "I missed my straight I had 5 6."  Someone then told him that 5 6 made a straight.  The guy basically, obviously had a straight but I didn't see both cards (someone else at the table claimed to have.).  He called the floor and they went to the camera and surveillance saw a 5.  So I saw a 6, surveillance saw a 5 and some other player saw 5 6.  I didn't offer the guy the pot or 1/2 of it or anything.  I kept it.  Everyone I've asked about it said they'd do the same but I'm not sure it was the right move really.  That's this week's poker highlight.  Feel free to comment below.  (Should I write that?  Now if no one comments I'm going to feel weird and it might be awkward between us.)

Shout out to Danzig because not only is this song great but the video is as well. 



May 4, 2014

therefore

I've started consuming beer and tacos on an almost daily basis.  I usually indulge alone, sit at the bar and I always get carded.  I was feeling pretty good about myself until I saw the bartender card a clearly 50 year old woman thus diminishing the joy I basked in.

What else?

Oh i saw the movie Bad Words, I recommend.

If you were in a fresh relationship and the guy or girl sent you a text with a lowercase "i" how turned off would you be?  Deal breaker right?  Luckily we've been together awhile so I know I won't lose you.


Apr 24, 2014

mistra mistra

Sup.

I used to go to the same cafe all the time for breakfast and I knew one of the waiters from high school but pretended like I couldn't remember him.  The first time I saw him there I was really depressed and leaving the house to begin with was a feat to be rivaled only by putting a man on the moon or maybe finding a missing plane.  Having to talk to someone was out of the question, un-doable, I wouldn't, I couldn't, so I didn't.  And this charade went on for about 2 years until he no longer worked there.  I'd be nearly crippled with anxiety when he was my waiter.  I wouldn't make eye contact, I'd have someone else order for me, I'd slip into the bathroom to avoid him.  Somebody suggested I just tell him that when I first came in and saw him I was depressed and didn't feel like talking aka the truth but so much time had gone by that I couldn't do it. 

What's the point?  Someone unknowingly reminded me of this situation recently and I needed something to post.  So the point is that I'm back to writing non-sensical junk for all your internet perusing amusement.  Yea, I'm talking to you.


A song from one one of my top 2 favorite albums.  If you don't have it, buy it...Stevie Wonder's Innervisions.




Jan 26, 2014

piso mojado

I was the minority in my elementary school, everyone was Mexican.  I didn't learn any Spanish though until I grew up and discovered my passion for Mexican and Puerto Rican love songs.  I don't know a lot of Spanish and I may not be able to help in a real emergency but I can sweep you off your feet when yo hablo espanol.




  

 I legit love this song.

Jan 24, 2014

don't go there

I listen to podcasts. The Moth is a good one.  My friend sent me a link to it a while ago because she thought I'd like it...she sent me the one with Annie Duke. Umm.

Yea.

My friend doesn't play poker.

It was okay actually.

Anyway.

One of the most entertaining episodes I've heard was about a pick-pocketer in New York.  He perfected his craft by practicing with mannequins that had bells attached to them.  If a bell rang while he moved around the room picking their pockets he knew he had messed up.  It was so sharp.

This week I've been listening to a lot of the Jared Tendler podcasts.  They aren't too long and the conversations are insightful.  I recommend.




Jan 18, 2014

turtles



Today I heard someone say "Run your own race." I can't decide if I like that advice or detest it.

Jan 11, 2014

a dream


My highly sophisticated analytics system alerts me to the fact that some people still visit this site.
I have been grinding my brains out, not in my usual spots.  And I'm not making any money, just EV*.  Luckily I have an EV credit card from which I can pay for everything and anything I could ever possibly want.  I'm going to buy some boots I think.  And a unicorn.







*Expected Value

Dec 27, 2011

a thought is a thing

  The ether in which this little earth floats, in which we move and have our being, is a form of energy moving at an inconceivably high rate of vibration, and that ether is filled with a rare form of universal power which ADAPTS itself to the nature of the thoughts we hold in our minds; and INFLUENCES us, in natural ways, to transmute our thoughts into their physical equivalent.

...this power makes no attempt to discriminate between destructive thoughts and constructive thoughts, that it will urge us to translate into physical reality thoughts of poverty, just as quickly as it will influence us to act upon thoughts of riches.

...our brains become magnetized with the dominating thoughts which we hold in our minds, and... these "magnets" attract to us the forces, the people, the circumstances of life which harmonize with the nature of our dominating thoughts.

Napolean Hill circa 1937